Successful People Forget
Saturday, September 6th, 2008
When Keith and I were first married, I read several books on what it would take to make our marriage strong and resilient. One of the comments that struck me was along the lines of “Love keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5), the idea to not hold grudges, to let bygones be bygones. Our code phrase for this kind of negative memory was “file cabinets.” For the most part, Keith and I have done pretty well at not dredging up old history in order to shore up today’s arguments.
Recently I was reading a book that took this concept to new heights, under the heading, “Don’t Let Yesterday Hijack Your Attention.”
A retentive memory may be a good thing, but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness. Successful people forget. They know the past is irrevocable. They’re running a race. They can’t afford to look behind. Their eye is on the finish line. Magnanimous people forget. They’re too big to let little things disturb them. They forget easily. If anyone does them wrong, they consider the source and keep cool. It’s only the small people who cherish revenge. Be a good forgetter. Business dictates it, and success demands it. (Elbert Hubbard, as quoted in John Maxwell’s Talent is Never Enough workbook, p. 46.)
It takes energy to nurture memories of the past, especially painful memories. Besides distracting from what you would prefer to focus on, those kinds of thoughts can also cause a reluctance to try certain actions again. “Once bitten, twice shy” refers to a learned distrust of people, but will it benefit you more in the long run to “forgive and forget”?
History is a powerful teacher, sometimes too powerful. When is it best to remember, and when is it best to forget?