A Reflection on Selection
by LewisHow do you decide which candidate to vote for? If you really sat down and analyzed that process for yourself, you’d probably be surprised at all the elements involved. Just over a week ago, my wife, Judy, and I sat down and tried to make decisions about voting on at least one judge to be selected for our county, and on a few other folks. All in all, not that many choices, but still something to be taken seriously.
I try to be somewhat informed, but there was no information about some of the people running for various offices, so how was I supposed to make an informed decision? Well, I did what any red-blooded American would do, I looked at the list of names and picked out one or two that I liked and voted for them. They can thank their parents for getting my vote.
Somewhere along the line, I believe, I also asked God for guidance on all of this, but I did not lift up each name and wait for a word from God on how to cast my vote. Perhaps I should have, but I didn’t. Something else I didn’t do was try to figure out about their hearts. That might have been an important consideration, especially for the judge, but I went with the name thing.
As we begin the process of selecting elders for PACC, I hope to personally do better about making my decisions. I already know, though, even before one man has been nominated, that I’m going to be more inclined to support someone with a great name more than someone with a crummy name. After all, who would vote for Archibald Leach when they could vote for Cary Grant? Who goes for Marion Morrison when they can have John Wayne? And doesn’t Fred Astaire get your vote when Frederick Austerlitz does not?
My message here, of course, is that if we are sometimes swayed in our decision making by the sound of a name, think how much we should be on guard when it comes time for us to nominate and affirm those who might serve as elders.
Let us use our knees to decide, calling on God’s Spirit to guide us. Let us, wherever we can, not decide based on the things on the outside (reputation, accomplishments, degrees, appearance, or even name), but let us examine the things on the inside, especially the heart. That is a much better way.
Tags: elders, John Wayne, selection, voting
June 17th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Hey, Lewis, I know how much you love responses that are questions, so here’s one for you: How does one person examine another person’s heart?
June 17th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Perhaps the first question is, are we willing to try? It may be that we are so accustomed to looking not much deeper than “skin-deep” that changing our ways would be too intimidating.
The second factor that might keep us from examining the hearts of others is the fear of what we might see. I know that is one thing that keeps us from examining our own hearts.
Which brings me back to your question. When you want to learn some other similar skill, what are the two best ways to go about it? Do either of those apply here?
July 21st, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Okay, you win. You out-questioned me.
I’ve been trying, but not very effectively. In particular, as an exercise, I’ve tried not to ask people I’ve just met what they do for a living. I’ve surprised myself in managing to sustain pretty lengthy conversations without bringing that up. It’s hardest because I’m totally curious — I love the work world and all thing fun things about it. But, yeah, that’s not exactly the “durable goods” we want to invest in, eh?
In my college communication class, we were taught to raise the level of personal disclosure in a way that is not threatening. You start with easy external stuff (job, weather, education) and then move toward opinions (movies, music) then maybe to beliefs and feelings. Each step of information gives us “hooks” to hang our own information on, and disclosures of one type tend to evoke similar disclosures in kind of a tit-for-tat dance.
You are right about not wanting to examine the hearts of others. There are people I know that I deliberately keep at the external level because I fear where the conversation would go! I don’t want to go there, and I don’t know what I would do if I got there. Yikes.
So if I want to acquire any skill, I can (1) learn about it preferably by imitation and (2) practice it and see how it works for me, making adjustments until it works smoothly. I have learned a lot of social skills by watching others and trying on their best practices for myself. So, yes, that applies here, too. But we’re talking about a pretty specific kind of social skill that I don’t see a lot of people practicing, so I have less opportunity for the observe-and-imitate part of it. That’s at least one reason for the church to get out of itself and into the world so we can learn from each other’s ways of coping.
July 21st, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Socrates, Jesus, and me. All of us love to ask questions! The art of it, of course, is to ask the right questions, like turning at the right street to get to the desired address. Jesus, seemingly, had the advantage here, because he knew men’s thoughts. I’ve said to myself in the past, “If I knew the thoughts of people, I could ask the right questions, too.”
But that was simply an excuse, as it turns out, because I now know one can learn how to ask the right questions. And I think you are certainly on the right track when you differentiate between exploring the “fun” things and the deep things.
The problem, of course, with what I call “the conversation dance” that you learned in college, is that one partner can suddenly find herself twisting in the wind, having revealed some closely held bit of information while receiving nothing in return, including the assurance that the now public knowledge will remain secure.
Learning the art of questioning and heart-examining by observing others is very good, and the best people to observe are, perhaps, the aforementioned Jesus and Socrates. The situations may not be the same, but it is the art you are studying. Observing modern day folks may, as you say, be limited because the art is rarely practiced, but I think it is less rare than you imagine. It is simply hard to see because when it is practiced, it is seldom practiced in groups. Unless it is a group made for the purpose of heart-exploration, of course.
Trial-and-error is also good, as you suggest, and experience is a great teacher, so I agree that it should be part of the way you learn.
Very well done. A few more questions, though, to keep you moving in the good direction you are already going: How would you describe a person to whom you would open your heart? Can you be that kind of person with others? It is impossible to know someone’s heart without knowing something about them, but is it possible to observe someone’s heart without ever speaking to them — or even meeting them?
And now, because you have worked hard at this, I will send you a question that is easy to ask that will take you directly to at least one part of a person’s heart.
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:14 am
I open my heart to people with whom I have some level of trust. I have a sense that they aren’t storing ammo to betray me with later, they won’t divulge confidences, they are willing to reveal something of themselves in return — essentially what you say above: they won’t leave me twisting in the wind. This often adds up to a likability factor — we share things with people we like.
Can I be that kind of person to others? Yes, and I am. It’s not easy, but I’ve found it to be very rewarding to open the lock and be shown the stuff that’s often hidden. I feel it’s a great honor and responsibility. One part that I struggle with is this: sometimes the tit-for-tat can look like one-upsmanship, so even though my motivation is disclosure and empathy, I often wonder what it looks like on the other side.
Yes, I think there are a zillion clues about people that help us know their heart without speaking to them or meeting them. Any one or two or ten clues may send you in the wrong direction, but adding a bunch up together can reveal a pattern that starts to give you the hooks for understanding and conversation. These clues can be as true or as false as what we hear directly from a person. I have to hold my impression of people lightly, and be willing to explore until the false clues are set aside and a truer picture emerges.